By Angela Musallum, 06-07 YOW

            “He/she hurts me because he/she loves me.” I’ve got news for those of you out there that think that’s true. No one will hurt his or her significant other out of love. When I say hurt, I not only mean physically, but also emotionally, mentally, and most commonly, verbally. Dating violence is very common among today’s couples, but some people are not aware that it is happening to them. I have a had an experience that I think is worth sharing, and hopefully it can guide you to be more aware of your significant other’s behavior now, or another future encounter. A few years ago, I was head over heels for an attractive, tall boy who happened to be older than me. He was the captain of his high school football team, while I was still in the 8^th grade. When I found out that he liked me,  I couldn’t believe that an upperclassmen in high school who happened to be the captain of his football team would be attracted to a regular little 8^th grader. Time went by, and we started dating each other, only to find out that 2 months later he had begun to change. He would call me about 10 or more times each day, and when I’d ask him why, he would say “Baby, I was worried about you and I wanted to see where you were and what you were doing.” At one point, he also told me what kind of clothes I should wear and how to do my hair. It’s understandable that a guy would want his girlfriend to look beautiful for him, but not when he repeatedly tries to find ways to constantly change her physical appearance. I had reached a stage where I just couldn’t stand him anymore, so I broke up with him. I remember so vividly that after I had told him that we shouldn’t see each other anymore, he replied, “If I can’t have you, no one else can have you!” I didn’t take his answer too heavily and didn’t think anything of it. Being an 8^th grader, I was still naïve, so a few months following our break up he apologized to me and I decided to see him again. This time, things got worse. He continued the constant calling, except now, he was beginning to stalk me. One day I stopped by Walgreens of Westlake to grab an item and that night, he called telling me that he saw me at Walgreens and questioned what I was doing there. Wouldn’t you think that being my boyfriend, he’s come up to me and give

 me a hug and a kiss? That wasn’t the case, however. I am also a very observant person and I didn’t see him anywhere. I later asked him where he was when he claimed to see  me, and he admitted to having “informants” to “watch out for me” in case anything “ happened”. I was beginning to get suspicious as to what he was up to. This monitoring continued for a few months. Nevertheless, I had a major wake up call a few months after these incidences had taken place. My cousin had given me a ride home one day  because my parents had to take care of some business. A few hours after I had gotten home, he calls me, and in the middle of our conversation he bluntly tells me, “You came home in a different car today.” At that point I was so freaked out, I told him straight up that I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I was online that night and I saw  him sign on, but just before I got the chance to block him, he IM’ed me. “Bitch I’m  gonna fuckin’ shoot you, you just wait” were his words. I thought my life was going to end that night. I slept in my brother’s room on the ground, hiding from any windows. My room is on ground level and my window was facing an alley that he used to come through to see me at times. For one whole week, I was terrified to even step in my bedroom. The next year was hell for me. He would unexpectedly knock at my window at any given time during the night. One time I was getting ready for bed, and just as I passed by my window to go to my closet, I heard a few taps on the window. I would jump and scream and automatically turn of the lights and hide under my bedcovers. It’s a good thing that my windows are frosted, so I can’t see what’s outside and whoever is outside can’t see what’s inside. Sometimes I would see a tall, dark shadow pass and I would keep freaking out, knowing that it was him. The last time that this happened was 6 months ago; an extended time after I had ended the relationship with him. I am so relieved that he had stopped stalking me and threatening to take my life away. As I write this, I am still scared  that he will come back sometime. For this to happen to someone at the age of 14, or at any age for that matter, is highly unacceptable and should not be tolerated one bit. Girls, and even boys need to be aware that dating violence comes in different forms and intensities. If you are being abused in any form or way, never be afraid to tell someone about what is happening in your relationship, because the abuse will not stop; it will continue, and in cases such as mine, it can get worse. In times such as these, the abuser needs to be confident enough to seek help to get out of their relationship if they cannot get out of it on their on own. If you, or anyone that you know is experiencing dating violence, they can contact hotlines such as the Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE, and they can also come down to the Wellness Center in T-14 to seek more information, counseling and resources on teen dating violence. Let my experience be a warning to all that teen dating violence does exist and it can happen to anyone.